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friday funnies

Facebook status translations. Yes.

Facebook Status: UGGGGHHHH!!!! I hate my life. Why does everything always go so wrong for me?
Translation: Attention. I crave it.

Facebook Status: I’mmmmm ssssssoooooo drrrrruuuuunnnkk rite now!
Translation: I’ve had two shots of vodka.

Facebook Status: I hate the opposite sex. They suck.
Translation: Why won’t anyone go with me? I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I generalize the very people that I so desperately want to be with. I also fail to realize that the common denominator in all of my failed relationships is me.

Facebook Status: My birthday is tomorrow!!!
Translation: Please wish me a happy birthday on Facebook tomorrow. Your “Happy Birthdays” validate my existence.

Facebook Status:  -Insert copy and pasted status here-
Translation: I know everyone has already seen this status a million times. I think everyone has to see everything at least a million and one times before they are truly affected. Also, if rocks could die, I would have the creativity of a dead rock.

Translation: I am not sick of all the drama. Please give me more. Maybe drama can fix my caps lock key.

Facebook Status: I’m so proud of little Johnny for scoring a goal in soccer today!!!
Translation: My kids are better than your kids, bitch. Your child doesn’t have shit on little Johnny.

[via Funny or Die]

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